To Find Hope In The Darkness
by Toxxic-hugs
Summary: Takes place during the war. Had the Draco Malfoy fallen in love? No. He was just concerned for her well being is all, right? For his own, as well...He was just concerned for her...more than anyone, or anything else in his life, even himself.
1. Chapter I

**Author's Note: **Not DH compatible. Please R & R, I love to hear from my readers-comments, complaints, compliments, suggestions, or any random non-sense that may have popped up in your mind while you were reading this story.

This is a remake of my story-Numb. Hope you enjoy it!

**HUGE THANKS TO: **My beta, Aglipseofthemoon, for editting!!!

**Disclaimer: **All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of MOI. No copyright infringement is intended.

_I can't seem_

_To find myself again_

_My walls are closing in_

_(without a sense of confidence and I'm convinced that there's just too much pressure to take)_

_I've felt this way before_

_So insecure_

_-Crawling, Linkin Park_

Oh how she longed to feel something other than helplessness that had consumed her life. The feeling of doom looming over her like a black rain cloud.

She sat there, with her legs drawn to her chest, her arms wrapped around them, and her head resting on her knees.

There was blood all over her. Her hands were covered in it and the now dry and cracked maroon colored liquid was splattered all over her and the beautiful silk, golden robes she wore to every battle - because she could die any second, why not be dressed in your best?

She wanted to cry so badly, but she couldn't. She longed to feel a salty tear stream down her face, but she couldn't. She was _numb_.

She wanted to shout at the top of her lungs, that she couldn't stand this any longer - she needed someone to just save her. To stop her from going mad.

She was never a quitter. She was _the_ Hermione Granger. When things got hard, you are supposed to push on. To move on with that part of your life and burn the bridges to the past that needed to be burned. But she couldn't.

It was **cruel** that she had seen the things she saw. To have _watched_ your friends die before you. To have their blood splattered over you and that battlefield you're on.

She couldn't forget the looks on their faces. Her memories played in her head, and she could see that look everytime she closed her eyes. She had learned not to blink much, and to exhaust herself - so that when she slept her sleep was dreamless.

Their screams _echoed_ in her ears, and she could remember the noise so well, that it became as common to her as her heart beat was. It made her nauseous. And her vision blur.

She welcomed the darkness. The black of the night was comforting like sitting next to a fire after coming in from a bitter cold winter's day. The voices were hushed, and the images gone. Nothingness to nothingness.

She shut her eyes, squeezing them close, and enjoyed the fact that she was able to do so, without envisioning someone's face twisted in horror and pain.

She felt empty. And alone, even though just feet away from her, there was an entire camp of wizards and witches.

They had left her. Her _boys_ had left her with these people she barely knew, in the middle of a war between good and bad. But what bothered her the most about it - she never got the chance to tell them good-bye for they had left in the night, with most of the Order in tack.

Because in her heart, she was almost completely sure that they were going to lose this war. And she knew in the back of her mind that they would all die fighting in this goddamn war - maybe not tomorrow, but sometime before they were actually supposed to go.

She didn't know how many times she had looked up to the sky and **begged** God or whomever is up there to save them. Because she couldn't stand the thought of living when they weren't, or trying to make it through this war if they were gone.

"Granger" a familiar voice sounded, but she ignored him even when he reached a hand out to pet at her wild curls, which were a mess - matted down from sweat and blood.

He removed his hand from her hair, and kneeled down in front of her. He cupped her face in his hands before he said in a vocie as calm as he could muster, "Granger, look at me."

She gingerly lifted her eyes from the forest to look him in dead in the eye. She hadn't expected the heated look in his eyes. Those beautiful dark liquid silver eyes, like pools of water, that she could drown in if she stared too long.

"What do you want Malfoy?" the words came out more timid and squeaky then they were supposed to. He rolled his eyes at her attempt to snap at him, for he knew she was weakened.


	2. Chapter II

_I'm sorry that I hurt you _

It's something I must live with everyday

And all the pain I put you through

I wish that I could take it all away

And be the one who catches all your tears

-The Reason, Hoobastank

He had watched her retreating to that point just at the edge of the campsite, only a few feet away from the dense forest that surrounded and protected them.

He knew something was wrong. No one else seemed to realize that her smile didn't quite make it up to her eyes, which were so dull and lifeless now, compared to how they had been just a few months ago; Determined brown eyes, the rich color of chocolate.

But then again, they all had someone else to worry about. Someone else that they were so concerned about that it occupied their thoughts every second of the day. Someone they cared so much for, who was in danger at any second, because of this war.

And he had...no one. If it wasn't for the fact that they were in the middle of a horrific war that would go down in the history books of both the wizarding and the muggle world, he would have brooded over the feeling of loneliness that he felt every time the owls would drop off mail, during the morning.

To watch the others recieve something from the ones they loved - and not have recieved anything. To not have someone to love.

Not that he would admit that he believed in love or even the conspete of it. It was just a silly thing people called certain feelings that they couldn't place. But he couldn't help but long to have that feeling - so passionate, so mind numbing, so spontaneous.

But as he watched, his heart ached. He resisted the urge to come forward from the shadows he hid in, and hold her close to him. To let her know she wasn't alone. That together they'd never be alone.

Had _the_ Draco Malfoy fallen in love? No. He was just concerned for her well-being, that was all, right? For his own, as well...He was just concerned for her...more than anyone, or anything else in his life, even himself. But that wasn't love, was it?

"Granger" he said wanting to hear her speak to him - to tell him to bugger off or something that the old Hermione would have said, and when she didn't answer he couldn't help but stroke her hair affectingly. Ignoring the fact that it was wet from the sweat and blood from today's battle.

He stopped realizing that this was not the time, and kneeled down in front of her. He cupped her face in his hands, as he vaguely remembered his mother doing when he was younger. Just looking at that look of defeat on her face made his blood boil with anger.

Where did the fierce and determined young woman go? Why had she vanished so quickly, leaving nothing left but a shell? He wished she would just yell at him for being a prat and to leave her alone-so at least one thing in his life would be normal.

But no. She just stared at the forest with those large brown eyes, so empty, and looked at him as if she didn't care about one thing or another.

"Granger, look at me."

And she did. Her eyes lifted from where she had been staring for the longest of times to look him straight in the eye. He could see some change in her facial expression. Was that shock? As if she had seen something she sort of remembered but was still a tad bit frightened.

Maybe it was because he had glared at her. But it wasn't because he despised her like he used to. It was because he didn't.

"What do you want Malfoy?" she had meant to have snapped off at him, he could tell, but she couldn't while she was so weak. It came out timid and her voice squeaky. He rolled his eyes at her attempt.

Why couldn't she just be the same way she was before? Instead of turning into this whole new person. So secluded. So alone.

And the real question that was playing in the back of his mind was - why did he care?

&&&

**I like to give a huge thanks to**: Aglispeofthemoon, my amazing beta, & Kawii Kisu, my amazing reviewer


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